OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
