East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Randomize
