Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
