I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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