She announced her abortion via fbk
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
