One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
