idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
