And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
