Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
