I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize