what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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