at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
