I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
