I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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