he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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