can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
