got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
