i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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