areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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