I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
