Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
