Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
