can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
