is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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