dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize