small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
