grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
