guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
