He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
