Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
