My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize