textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
