That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
