i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
so let's talk penis.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
