Why are handjobs necessary in class?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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