The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize