Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The power of my boobs compel you
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
