carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
cat food counts as protein by the way
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
