My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize