In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
