wrigley field is MILF paradise
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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