Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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