doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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