2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
