omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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