i can't believe i had my finger in that
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
