i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
last night I used snow as a chaser
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
