oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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