New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
