Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize