After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
