if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
