Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize
