i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
