It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
