I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Randomize
