She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize
