Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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