last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
