i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Randomize
